Ever since I saw my brother in his green cap and gown during my freshman year, I’ve always pictured when that moment would finally come for me.

A student would announce my name as I tried not to fall while walking across the stage in wedges. I would look over at my fellow classmates in the audience and accept my diploma. I would finally say that after four years of late nights and copious amounts of coffee, “I did it.”

Simply put, the coronavirus had other plans.

Graduation has been pushed back to the summer or virtual for many seniors across the country, and for Pascack Valley’s Class of 2020, these ideas might be a possibility. Day by day, I’m on edge of what could happen next and only hope to see my teachers and classmates again. 

Now, senior traditions like commitment day, prom, and class trips are not the same. Even something as small as a college tour has been off the table, making it difficult for many seniors to confidently make a decision before their deposit was due by May 1.

Our first semester of college is even up in the air. The list can go on and on.

And it is not only my future that is unpredictable, but the present. The high school experience has been replaced with blurred days of virtual learning, watching movies and television shows, and adapting to this new normal. I went from having too many assignments and tasks to almost none at all. 

In the midst of this, it is also an unfortunate way to say goodbye to Smoke Signal as I head off to college. Despite us still producing content virtually, I did not expect to never be able to cover events in the building ever again. As for One Spirit, despite us meeting virtually, we are unable to host our next events.

I’m also lucky enough to have been able to travel abroad to Paris, London, and Normandy last school year, having the opportunity to learn about history outside of the classroom. Even travelling this year to Washington, D.C. for the National High School Journalism Convention would not have been possible if it was scheduled for these final months.

While I am entertained by quarantine-related TikToks and Spotify playlists, the virus still feels surreal, especially after it has already robbed the rest of my senior year — and I expect to feel like this for a while. Although these precautions were needed to slow the spread of the virus, it is difficult to not feel upset about having little time to say goodbye to my classmates and teachers.

But I’m not here to complain. 

Despite these next few months filled with uncertainty, I know one thing for sure: I can make the best of this situation. My senior year does not come before those who lost their lives as the virus continues to spread — and who knows when it will end.

Instead of guessing what lies ahead, I have to adapt to reality, as health professionals, grocery store employees, social workers, and janitors are on the frontlines fighting against this virus. While they are fighting to keep me safe, the coronavirus has hit them harder than others who contract the disease, according to an article from CNN.

We are all affected by this pandemic and need to offer support to one another. “Social distancing” does not mean to stop being social — I can still reach out to others through phone calls and on social media as a substitute for face-to-face contact. During this time, I have had the opportunity to grow even closer to my friends and spend more time with family.

I can also finally take a breath. Without hours of school per week, mountains of homework, and extracurricular activities, I have time to pick up hobbies and try new things. This has been a pause to truly appreciate everything in front of me.

And the more I do my part and stay home, the faster it will take for life to return to normal.

I know administrators, faculty members, and parents are trying to make the best of this situation and find unique ways to honor our accomplishments these past four years, such as surprising us with lawn signs and lighting up the football field every Friday. Graduating high school will truly be a moment to remember.

We are the Class of 2020. Do not give up hope.

As I’m sitting in my room every day completing my virtual assignments and staring blankly at my screen, it is inevitable for me to feel disheartened about the way my senior year is ending.

From the first moment you step into high school, you are told how the four years go by in the blink of an eye. Little did I know this moment would come even faster than anyone could have ever predicted. 

From freshman orientation to my last day walking the halls and every moment in between, I wish I had appreciated it more than I already did.

As a senior in the Class of 2020, having the final months of high school stripped away from me almost instantaneously felt like a punch in the gut. Everything I have looked forward to and dreamed about for years was ripped away.

Will we ever get to dress up for our senior prom? Will I get to race in my last spring track meet with my teammates? Will we even get to walk up and get our diplomas? And while these are the big events we may potentially be missing, I also think of the little things that I won’t get to experience, such as a senior class prank, wearing a college shirt and hat for decision day, ordering my last Mary’s sandwich, or a traditional yearbook signing. 

With all that we are missing, I am grateful that one of my last memories with Pascack Valley was my school trip to Iceland. Unlike many other students who got their end-of-year trips cancelled, I was lucky enough to be able to fit in this adventure of a lifetime just weeks before Governor Murphy closed all New Jersey schools. 

Despite my current frustration, I have to remind myself that I was fortunate enough to stand underneath the Northern Lights, a moment of my senior year that was truly unforgettable. 

This year, I started off the year running cross country in the fall, followed by an indoor track season in the winter. However, I had to end my winter season short, and while I was a little sad to not be finishing the season with my team, I knew that I still had spring track to look forward to. 

Our first week practicing for the spring had been so sunny and warm, and I was happy to be starting my final season next to my teammates and best friends — little did I know it would all vanish

I ran my last race without even knowing it was a moment I needed to cherish, which is a feeling that I am sure most student-athletes can relate to. I wish I was able to finish what I started and celebrate with a proper team send-off. 

I would do just about anything to listen to another one of Coach Murtaugh’s crazy stories while sunbathing on the turf. I’m staying hopeful that our team can potentially host a fun field day over the summer, if better conditions permit it, where we can have one more run together.

This is just one aspect of the struggles of being a senior right now, but I know if anyone can get through it — it’s the Class of 2020. 

Every day, I pray that this pandemic will all be over almost as quickly as it started, but the reality is that no one really knows. However, despite not knowing, I am optimistic that the school board, faculty members, parents, and my peers will find unique ways to fill in the blanks for what we are missing out on. 

Every student in the senior class deserves to experience these iconic high school moments that bring our high school experience to closure as we move on to the next chapter of our lives. 

While we are not physically with each other, in efforts to practice social distancing, we are still finding creative ways to stay connected, such as game nights over Zoom or car parades for special occasions. 

Who knows, maybe not being together is making us all closer in a sense. This time spent physically apart has given us the time to reflect on how much we mean to one another. 

Seniors all across the country and world are struggling with this loss, and we have to try to make the best out of this totally insane situation. We definitely won’t be leaving in a traditional way, but that will forever make us unique.

We are the Class of 2020 — this challenge will only make us stronger in the future.