TWs for The Push: death/loss of children, grieving, mental health, disturbing/violent behavior, adultery/relationships, pregnancy/motherhood

WARNING: This book is not for the faint of heart.

The Push by Ashley Audrain is a psychological thriller, a story that explores the not-so-fun side of motherhood. It makes the reader uncomfortable (but almost in the best way). And it gets deep—I can easily say that this is the most profound, raw book I’ve ever read.

This story is written pretty much entirely in the second person, with the narrator, Blythe Connor, writing directly to her ex-husband, Fox. In her writing, Blythe chronicles her experiences with motherhood with her two kids, Violet and Sam. The novel also discusses Blythe’s mom, Cecilia, and Blythe’s grandma, Etta.

It took me a bit to get used to the second-person format and at first, I didn’t realize who Blythe was talking to, but seeing that I’ve never read a book almost completely in the second person before, I was captivated immediately.

Blythe’s mom left her when she was 11 years old, and when Violet is born, Blythe knows she does not want to be the kind of mom to Violet that her mom was to her. Fox, her husband, instantly connects to their daughter, but Blythe and Violet never achieve that connection. And as Violet gets older and starts exhibiting alarming, violent behavior, Blythe becomes convinced that something is wrong with her daughter. 

Many times, Blythe’s thoughts about Violet’s behavior got pushed aside—by Fox, her mother-in-law, and even other mothers. Yes, Blythe did have some explicit thoughts (ex: cursing, thoughts about not wanting her daughter) about Violet that were uncomfortable to read, but she also had some valid ones as well that should have been acknowledged.

When their son Sam is born, Sam and Blythe instantly connect in the way that Fox and Violet did when Violet was born. Blythe loves her little boy—with him, she is the loving, doting mother that she always wanted to be. The mother that everyone expects her to be. But when baby Sam is killed after being hit by a car, life as the family knows it is flipped upside down.

This book gets real about motherhood, showing how it is not always a happy-go-lucky journey with a seemingly perfect child and spouse; I can tell you that I certainly never thought about the “behind-the-scenes,” hidden side of becoming a mother: the toll it takes on your mental health and all the internal struggles she goes through. 

I had a love-hate relationship with this book. There were times when it got so disturbing and sad that I just wanted to put it down, but I couldn’t. It was addicting. I had to keep reading, and I had to know what happened next. I stayed up way too late reading every night since I started this story.

Throughout the book, the reader gets to learn about the family’s history in flashbacks sprinkled in by the author. At a young age, Blythe’s mom, Cecilia, told her that the women in their family were different; her mom even told her that she did not want Blythe to be like her. Through the flashbacks, the readers get to learn about Cecilia’s relationship with her mother, Etta. While I did find the flashback snippets interesting in the fact that I could draw parallels between three different familial mother-daughter relationships, I did find myself wanting to quickly read the flashbacks and get back to the current story.  

It was hard to read this book sometimes just because of the weight some topics held. While I’m not a parent and have never had to experience the death of my own child, reading about the Connor family’s grief and watching their family slowly fall apart hit hard. At some points, I hated seeing the relationships between the characters.

There were times when I was rooting for Blythe and times when I strongly disliked her and just wanted to yell at her. There were times when I was rooting for other characters. Sometimes, I wasn’t sure which characters (including Blythe) were telling the truth or not. 

Despite the emotional drainage that comes with The Push, this book struck me in a way that no book has done before. I will never be able to forget this story and the characters of this book will stay with me forever.  

And, again—this book is not for the faint of heart.